What Can Good Marriages Do Even Better?

By Mike Edwards

It isn’t easy having a good marriage. Marriages, unlike many relationships, are a 24/7 friendship. Live with a friend all the time and see if the relationship is as friendly. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in — sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children. Differences become more and more obvious. I wrote here what good marriages tend to have in common. They treat one another like they do their best friend, they talk and solve their differences in an open, productive way, and encouragements are at a ratio of least 5:1 per criticisms. Learning to live happily incompatible is complicated but worth it, and it always takes two to tango.

What negative flaw do solid marriages often have in common?

Everyone can spot an unhappy marriage. Just listen. But good marriages often violate an aspect of the golden rule necessary for a good marriage — treating their partner like they want to be treated. Want to give advice to your partner? Then advise and talk to like you would like you want to be given advice or if partner had a different opinion on a matter. Avoid being perceived as “snippy.”

I am guilty what I am about to advise early on in marriage and may still be. I worry if my kids picked up on this flaw! I think I am doing much better in this past decade but you would have to ask my partner, kids, and their partners. I notice couples who aren’t necessarily on the brink of divorce do this in front of others. Imagine what they do when others aren’t looking. When giving advice or differ with what comes out of your partner’s mouth…..watch the words you use to respond.

When disagreeing with partner don’t start with:

You need to

YOU should

What!

C’mon name of partner!

No …..

Huh!

Ask you partner how you can respond differently when having different opinions

Positive reactions when having different opinions

What about

What if

Maybe

Perhaps

Possibly

Ask your partner how your responses can be less critical/snippy when alone or in public

React to you partner in every situation positively and less critically or challenging!

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com